Past Shadow

I was haunted by the shadow of the past

I was here and there it is

In my head

I can’t either run or get away from it

I was haunted by unspoken words

Unfinished affairs and action

I was haunted by unanswerable questions

I was haunted by myself

Trying to safe me

Or bring my past back

I was haunted by my past self

To be more open,

To be honest,

To be kinder

To find me

To be more 'human'

I must learn from it

I can’t repeat what I had done

I must bettering myself

I don’t want to be haunted by that shadow anymore

That’s what I say to myself

But one thing to remember,

Action needs to be taken 

失恋

If i say that i’ve moved on, will it be quite weird to you?

I’ve fallen in love to a guy for about 3 years,

I was so happy to just by see him

Looking at him from a far

One day, after his graduation, he shook my hand when i congratulated him

And that time, i was really happy

After that, i keep looking at him,

But it seems like he, eventually, become out of my reach

With his busy life

And for a couple of weeks, i find out that he may be dating a woman,

Well, it’s not a big deal for me

Because i realize, from a very first time, that my feeling is just a one-sided love

There are so many words left unsaid

Too much shyness between us

And i know that someday, i have to let him go

And that day is now,

I think i have to move on

Let him be happy with his life

And so do i

I’ve been reaally grateful to know him

So, i feel okay

And eventhough it’s difficult,

Let him go and pray for his best are the only things that i can do for him

Shitsuren Eka

It’s like a title of a dorama that i watched a couple of weeks ago

It tells a story about a man, a broken-hearted chocolatier that trying to get his dream love

He even goes to Paris to learn about chocolates bcause the girl that he loves is really fond of chocolates

But in the end, he keeps being a broken-hearted chocolatier

And that’s life

You can’t expect everything to be like what you want

Sometimes, you need to learn

And it will make you be stronger

So, now, i’m just going to say thank you to you, the one that i once loved,

Mr. Data  

Thanks for coming to my life,

Thanks for coloring my day

Thanks for your kindness and warm heart

I hope that you’ll always be happy and i’ll pray for your best

Always.

Dunia Fana

Jika boleh bertanya,
Untuk apa aku ada di dunia
Yang begitu fana
Dan penuh dengan derita

Lama ku berada di dalamnya
Semakin aku merasa sengsara

Aku tak mampu lagi bersuara
Mengucap kata dan bicara indahnya dunia
Aku tak lagi percaya
Akan segala janji2 surga
Air mata tumpah tanpa terasa

Aku tak tahu lagi merasa sedih atau bahagia

Hidup apa yg ku punya?
Letih aku dengannya
Lelah aku menghadapinya
Seakan bahagia tak pernah kurasa

Aku kecewa,
Aku terluka
Tapi entah pada siapa harus bercerita
Tentang rasa yg begitu menyesakkan dada
Aku tak mau lagi ada
Andai bisa menghilang  tak hanya ada salam cerita
Aku kan segera menghilang dari dunia

Dear Nikki,

lama tak kubuka,
ada banyak hal yang hendak kuceritakan
pada sahabat yang lama tak kujumpa,
pada ia yang amat kurindukan

aku mencoba merangkai kata-kata
apa yang aka kutuliskan, kucurahkan dan kuceritakan padanya
lama ku merenung,
memilah-milih kata yang ingin kugunakan

berfikir sekuat tenaga
untuk menuliskan kata-kata penuh makna
tetapi entah apa yang akhirnya kuungkapkan
bagai kata-kata tanpa makna,
hanya keluh kesah belaka

aku bukan makhluk sempurna,
banyak sekali aku berbuat dosa
aku hanya manusia biasa,
mencoba untuk tampak sempurna
tapi tak bisa

ketika hati merasa ragu,
aku mulai datang mencurahkan rasa gelisah yang berkecamuk di dalam hati
saat itulah aku datang padamu,
pada sahabat yang jarang kusapa,
tapi tak pernah kulupa (meski terkadang aku tak ingat passwordnya)
pada kamu yang entah sudah berapa lama setia mendengarkanku,
ku ceritakan kisah-kisah ku, perasaanku, kegelisahanku, cemasku padamu

teman yang lebih dari sekadar teman biasa,
teman yang senantiasa mendengar tanpa pernah lelah,
teman yang meski berbulan-bulan tak kujumpai,
tapi tak pernah marah atau merajuk saat kutemui kembali

sahabat yang sulit kudapat di alam nyata
yang padanya bisa kuceritakan semua
kisah tawa atau pun penuh luka
tangis yang tak bisa kutunjukkan di depan mereka

sebuah penghiburan
untukku yang merasa kesepian
di dunia yang sedikit kawan  penuh kepalsuan, kemunafikan 

Rasa

berkali-kali berkeluh kesah
namun tak kunjung padam, rasa gelisah
yang berkecamuk di dalam dada
entah ada gerangan apa

bertanya-tanya tanpa ada jawaban,
lelah rasanya hidup begini
entah apa yang sedang kulakukan
bagai hidup tetapi mati

berulang-ulang ini terjadi,
problematika datang tanpa henti
entah apa yang harus kuperbuat
tuk menemukan solusi masalah berat

berlarut-larut dalam kesedihan,
air mata menetes tiada henti,
menanti kebahagiaan
yang entah kapan datang mengisi hati

entah apa yang harus kulakukan
masalah seakan datang tanpa menunggu jawaban
tanpa menunggu masalah lain terselesaikan
ia sudah menunggu untuk diselesaikan

hidup itu rahasia Ilahi
Siapa percaya,  maka akan datang padanya jalan cerah penuh cahayajalan kebahagiaan.
Tapi kapan???

perjalanan ini entah kapan akan berakhir,
peluh mengalir deras di dahi
luka hati tak bisa lagi ditolerir
entah apa lagi yang akan terjadi

ketika hidup hanya sekadar hidup,
apa itu hidup sungguhan
ketika kata-kata hanya sekadar kata tanpa makna
apa ada gunanya?
ketika apa yang terjadi hanya ditangisi tanpa disikapi dengan bijak
apa itu cukup?
ketika dalam pencarian ini aku bimbang
apakah hanya dengan diam akan datang jawaban?
jawaban itu akan ada
ketika engkau mencarinya
ia akan kau temukan
saat kau siap mendengarnya

segala yang terjadi
adalah suratan takdir-Nya
tak ada satupunatau seorangpun yang dapat mengubahnya,
tapi siapa mau berusaha
pasti akan menuai berkah dari Nya, sang Kuasa pemilik alam semesta
Dia yang satu, tiada duanya.

Lunar Prediction and Wish

Today is Chinese New Year. It was to be one of a special day in a year for me. Today i saw a lot of stories and predictions about this year and this is all i got.

Well, the master of FengShui said it’s not a reallyy good year for those who were born at midnight (which is including me). And i hope it’s not true. I know that everything’s gonna be tougher, harder, more difficult, more challenging. But life must go on, don’t we? We can’t get stuck on the prediction without doing and trying our best. 

The good things will come to those who wait and work hard. That what is said by most of wise men. 

The problem is.... I become more and more anxious about what’s waiting for me. The better things happen now, the more anxious i’ll be. ‘cause everything can change in a blink of eye. 

Well, it’s not good either to be ‘too worry’ on things that doesn’t (or won’t) happen yet. 

The best thing i can possibly do is just wait and see, try and do my best, pray a lot, and always be prepare. Be aware of everything!

That's what i got from TV and show. And i found this one from a magazine ( a link to be precise ) : http://sante.journaldesfemmes.com/psychologie/horoscope/chinois/coq-annee/ :

Pour profiter des bonnes influences de l'année et atténuer ses impacts plus délicats, adoptez une attitude en harmonie avec la position de l'astre Liem Trinh. Cette année, celui-ci influencera les secteurs liés à la famille et à la carrière. Ces deux domaines seront souvent prioritaires, vous demandant pas mal d'efforts. Si vous acceptez de donner la priorité à vos différentes responsabilités, le Ciel vous sera globalement favorable et vous serez heureux.

Cette année, grâce au soutien de l'astre Thien Dong, vous aurez la possibilité de concrétiser bon nombre de vos souhaits. Mais pour y arriver, commencez par laisser tomber tous les vagues désirs qui vous passent en permanence par la tête, et faites un croix sur ceux que le Ciel n'a pas l'intention d'exaucer. Le secteur de votre thème lié aux voyages, à la communication et à toutes les activités intellectuelles sera très favorisé. Vous pouvez espérer voir se réaliser tous vos rêves touchant ces domaines. De plus, ne refrénez pas vos désirs les plus enfouis. N'écoutez plus les rabat-joie : ce qui ne réussira pas aux autres vous réussira, à vous ! Vous rêvez de devenir journaliste ? Proposez vos articles à une revue, on vous publiera. Vous caressez l'idée de rédiger vos mémoires ? Consacrez-y deux heures par jour, un prix littéraire vous attend. Vous souhaitez devenir guide touristique ? Posez votre candidature chez un voyagiste, vous serez sélectionné

Eléments:

Coq de Bois : Les conditions idéales que vous espériez pour être heureux ne seront probablement jamais réunies. Vous ne trouverez peut-être jamais un brochet ou une carpe selon vos désirs. Dégustez donc avec délices la tanche et le goujon qui sont là, à votre portée, et vous ne risquerez pas d'avoir faim !
Coq d'Eau : Grâce aux bonnes influences de la planète Liem Trinh, vous aurez la possibilité de transformer et de sublimer la banalité de l'existence. Vous pourrez vivre plus intensément, d'une manière extraordinaire, en profitant à fond des plaisirs de la vie au jour le jour.
Coq de Feu : Vous devrez veiller sur votre budget avec la plus extrême vigilance, car l'ambiance générale incitera presque irrésistiblement à des dépenses exagérées. Si vous tenez bien compte de vos ressources, vous vivrez votre année à l'abri de surprises fâcheuses, car l'équilibre aura été maintenu.
Coq de Métal : Beaucoup de vos ambitions professionnelles connaîtront une belle concrétisation. L'astre Huu Bat soutiendra vos efforts de manière ponctuelle et vous protégera de tracas pénibles.
Coq de Terre : Fortement individualiste et quelque peu égocentrique actuellement, vous accuserez une nette instabilité dans votre manière de vous conduire. Et cela risque de déboussoler ceux que vous aimez. L'indulgence ne sera pas non plus votre qualité première, ce qui risque de provoquer des tensions avec vos proches

Well, those two article are differents. One is better than another. One to cheer me up, to encourage me. And the other to make me be careful of everything, to keep working hard and harder. Beacause a good lige can't come itself. We need to work really hard and pray.
One last but not least thing to say.
NEVER GIVE UP!!!
Let's make this year and let's be a better person of you :D
Gong Xi Fa Cai :)

Wonder Doubt

helllo!!!
this is a new semester. I've been in 5 semester in the university and the last semester, i got the worst result after studying for 4 semester and it's kinda sad for me. I hope i can give my best this semester.
It's been a week since the first day i started and i still feel like i'm lost.
I went to college, i studied, i heard what my lecturer said and everything, but i feel like i'm half-awaken or half-asleep when i heard it. I had no enthusiasm, i don't know what to do. I'm looking for passion, but what is my passion? That's what i'm asking myself. i don't want to get a bad result this semester, so i hope my spirit will be back.
I remember someone said that << you can't live without enthusiasm. You have to keep yourself on fire."
And another word from Steve Jobs : "Stay hungry, stay foolish." 
I wonder about how to keep my curiosity, to stay hungry, wanna know about many things. I don't wanna lose my enthusiasm, but it's not easy to do that.
I might be need some refreshing, but holiday is over.
I just can cheer myself up and stay with people who bring out the best in me, who give me positive energy.
actually, i don't really know what to say, but at least i try to express what i feel. Hopefully, it can help me to feel better.

Question (?)

Life is the best gift that has been given by God.
Do you agree?
I do, but..................
When your life seems so bad,
what are you going to do?
When you can't hold on your tears,
when you feel lonely without friends, family, and everybody who should have been there
What are you gonna do?
When your life seems so meaningless,
when you have nothing to do,
when you don't know what to do,
what's on your mind?
 "La vie, c'est pas toujours un rose"
I read that words.
And i realize that life is not always as beautiful as we wish, but...
What if you never  're not feel happy with your life?
what if you have no joy in life?
what if there's nothing you can do?
what if you lose yourself?
What if you don't know what are you doing?
You have no idea 'bout what the meaning of life,
what are you looking for?

"Life without meaning is not a real life"
What if you just become a dead walking man?
You do your daily activities, you live but not fully alive,
You're just walking without knowing where to go,
What will you do?

You know, 
I have no idea about what i'm going through.
I don't know what i exactly feel,
but i'm lost.
Many questions start to spin around in my head 
Have you ever getting tired of you life?Have you ever felt meaningless?
Have you ever wonder about your existence?
Have you asked 'bout your life?
Why are we here?
What am I doing?

 

   

Lo Que Soy (This is Me)

You know,

I don't want to live in fear

But I can't

Fear is always exists in myself, my mind, my heart.

My life.

Sometimes,

Everything is really freaked me out.

Every single little things.

I see something to worry about everywhere.

Even it doesn't exist at all.

I just,

I don't know.........

Unstable, maybe.

I can't tell what makes me really scared.

It just comes.

Suddenly.

Without warning.

And sometimes,

Happiness makes me scared too.

I do believe in happiness, good things will come to those who wait.

But, you know.

For me, happiness is not a simple things.

Yin and yang.

Good and bad.

Heaven and hell.

Happiness and sadness.

You know,

Everything has its own 'friend'

And I'm afraid of 'that good things'

Sometimes,

When i feel too high,

i can't control myself.

I lost myself.

My evil side take me over.

And I can't help that.

You know,

I'm not as good as everyone thinks

And maybe,

I'm not as bad as they know.

I don't know, i can't judge myself.

But one thing,

One small little thing can change me, sometimes.